The function of negative emotions [with music and cinema therapy]
Introduction
One of the most profound realizations of life is that emotions each serve a deeper purpose. This is not an easy message to accept in the midst of a crisis, in the throes of anxiety or depression, dealing with the fallout of an emotional outburst, or when going through deep grief, however. These emotions often seem all-encompassing or often suffocating and hopeless. Sometimes it feels like the darkness will last forever. Such is not the case though–there is a glimmer of light within this darkness. When we move beyond judgment of what we feel and reach acceptance of it, we truly begin to flourish.
In other words, if we tune into the deeper messages our emotions send us, we will come across our innate healing powers, blossoming within once more. We will find forgiveness and love within this healing, elevating us to a higher consciousness.
An Exploration of Emotions
Deep Sadness: Sorrow and Depression
Sorrow: it feels deep and turbulent like the ocean. A pressure in the chest–almost suffocating at times, like a feeling of drowning. Coming and going like the ebb and flow of the waves. And then calm and still after the storm–at peace.
Much like sorrow, depression feels deep and dark–a long, dark night with no end. However, even on the blackest of nights, we have the stars and moon to guide us. We are part of the vast, beautiful universe and it is a part of us. Sometimes we even find momentary glitters of light–things we can be grateful for amidst the darkness. It could be a gentle word or touch, a warm smile from a stranger, or a moment of peace. Can this feeling have a deeper purpose?
When we have deep sadness, it could be a sign that something needs to change externally and/or internally. It can push us to seek something beyond ourselves, helping us pull ourselves out of the darkness. The hopelessness and helplessness could be a call to find what truly resonates with us. When we reach the depths, we can learn what it means to truly live after rising above.
When we open the floodgates and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we move past the storm and grow closer to others. We begin to accept it in its complexity and as a natural part of life. Such as in the stages of grief, acceptance arrives after darkness. The sun comes forth once more.
The antithesis of sorrow is joy. Once we’ve known the depths of sorrow, we can truly know what it’s like to feel joy. A feeling that bursts and overflows, sometimes accompanied by tears. To know that we have moved beyond sadness into a sense of overwhelming happiness.
“Where there is light,
a shadow appears.
the cause and effect
when life interferes.
the same rule applies
to goodness and grief;
for in our great sorrow,
we learn what joy means.”
-“Sorrow” by Sleeping at Last
Sigmund Freud often said, “Depression is anger turned inwards.” Is this a resonating statement or is depression more complicated, perhaps linking to other emotions such as shame or anxiety? Is there a part of yourself that takes the onus of anger?
Anger
Anger: an emotion that is often destructive in nature. It starts as a small flame that wells up in the upper body, creating a narrative to rationalize the pain. Each word and thought is like adding fuel to a fire that grows until it is uncontrollable. Rage is like a forest fire, spreading until everything is ash. Anger not only burns those who stand in its path, but the self as well. It often arises with blame, thus creating other harmful emotions such as shame and guilt.
At low levels, anger can help us set boundaries, an active force to counteract passivity. It can inspire passion and action. In this way, it may be a means of creation, enabling us to rise and stand up for what we believe is right. It is the fire behind protests and rallies, uniting people to fight for a cause. A spark that can create an ember that leaves lasting changes in the world–eliminating injustice. If important figures in the past (such as leaders in civil or women’s rights) weren’t angry, societal progress would have likely stagnated.
The opposite of anger is forgiveness and peace–to let go of the underlying fear and let things flow. To take back blame and investigate the deeper significance of an event. What’s truly behind this reaction? Is it pain of some kind? Are we covering up the pain rather than treating the underlying wound? Choosing peace, in this case, takes courage–the courage to put ego aside and focus on listening and learning. When we learn to let go and forgive, we take back our power and invest it into a deeper healing. This, in turn, helps those around us feel safe and raises them up.
What triggers anger for you? Is it based on a fear of something? When we find ourselves angry at those around us, let us consider the context of the spoken or unspoken words. Does it touch on an inner wound that needs healing? In some cases, when we feel triggered by someone or something, this reflects a part of us that we have previously disowned.
Fear and Anxiety
Fear: it wells in the chest and stomach, activating our instincts. It feels dark and intrusive, triggering thoughts and feelings that can either hold us back or propel us forward. A momentary danger, but the effects often reside deeply within. Years later, a trigger could incur memories once again, bringing us back into the past pain. A moment in time could shape our perception of danger far into the future.
Fear is an emotion developed as a survival mechanism by our ancient ancestors. In the brain, fear originates in the amygdala, shaping our responses to real or perceived danger. It’s often characterized by four responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The first three are self-explanatory but the fawn response is less known. A desire to please arises in order to mitigate a threat from an abuser, often seen in trauma survivors. In a desire to avoid physical or mental harm, a victim may try to ensure the abuser is happy or comply with them even if it doesn’t feel right. If anyone has gone through this, know that it is not your fault.
Fear tells us where to do the inner work. When we realize our fear is irrational and have the drive to improve, fear can link us to something that needs to be addressed. Often, it arises from past experiences–and knowing what we’re afraid of can push us to confront these feelings and move forward. For example, having a fear response to angry or aggressive people can inform us of an experience that may have occurred in the past. We may have faced invalidation for showing anger or may have dealt with this emotion in another person as we were growing up. By standing up in the face of anger, we learn to respect ourselves, set boundaries, and live our best lives.
The opposite of fear is courage and love. It takes courage to confront what our mind and body see as an enemy or danger. We shine the light of consciousness on darkness. Like in Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave”, sometimes we are trapped in a dark cave, seeing only shadows on the wall. We may be too afraid to turn around and see the source of the shadows. But when we are freed and take a step outside, we see the vibrance of life. The shadows are blurry outlines of something that may be beautiful in the light, but is fearsome if we don’t see the truth of reality.
When we take a step back and view the situation objectively, we may see it as something smaller and manageable in reality. The hulking monster we imagine the fear to be becomes the wounded child within… When we see and speak compassionately to this wounded child, we gain more compassion for ourselves and others.
A Journey Towards Happiness
Knowing ourselves and how our unique inner landscape works can lead to greater happiness and well-being. The initial step is to reparent the inner child–in other words, speak to the wounded parts of the psyche like a compassionate parent would speak to a child or how a caring friend would comfort you. Give these parts validation and recognition, leading to a greater acceptance and love within. Some questions to explore are: what made you happy as a child? What were you grateful for in your childhood? How could you imbue your life with a renewed sense of curiosity, wonder, joy, and awe? How did what you experienced make you into the person you are today? Often, the suffering that we experienced attunes us more to others in an empathetic way, for example. By tapping into this empathy, we can turn a sense of compassion and love toward ourselves–opening up a frequency that allows for deeper healing.
By being aware of the situations that trigger each emotion and linking it back to the larger picture, we can develop a more holistic, personalized way of taking care of ourselves. We can start by identifying a strong emotion we feel in the moment and then take a step back and look at the situation calmly rather than reactively. One way to do this is to ask Socratic questions, such as: What happened and why did I react this way? What deeper issue was touched on? Could this link back to a specific memory or experience in the past? This is the basis for healing past wounds by looking into the Shadow, or parts of ourselves that are shunned or that we’re ashamed of. This method may sound counterintuitive or even painful, but shining the light of consciousness upon the rejected parts of ourselves transmutes the pain into wisdom and understanding. In other words, integrating the darkness brings further wholeness.
Emotions as Messages
Emotions can be painful and uncomfortable at times, but they each serve a greater purpose. To expand on the previous point, emotions can be messages that help us look at the bigger picture. Sometimes a negative feeling or experience can lead to a positive realization depending on how we look at it. Recurring thoughts and feelings may be a sign that something under the surface needs to be addressed.
Nothing is ever wholly good nor bad. There’s a light and dark side to all things, in other words. The best way to describe this is to consider the concepts of yin and yang: there is a light within the darkness and a darkness within the light. These sides balance each other out, forming a circle to represent wholeness. For example, a happy memory can have a sense of sadness when we consider that it has passed; or a sad memory could be a building block for a greater understanding of the complexity of life or a way to enable someone else to feel understood.
We have previously discussed some major emotions in depth, but I want to further break down a few subsets of these emotions:
-Resentment and guilt could be a sign that there needs to be forgiveness and repair. This can be done by being vulnerable and communicating how we feel on a deeper level.
-Regret could indicate that it’s time to give ourselves more self-compassion and understanding of the situation as a whole. We did what we thought was best at the time–how were we to know the outcome?
-Self-doubt and shame could call for further reflection and self-acceptance. Where can we find confidence and goodness within? How can we use what has surfaced to learn and be the person we can be?
-Envy and jealousy could mean it’s time to practice gratitude and release attachment. In some cases, these feelings can push us to achieve in our own way.
-Uncertainty and confusion could mean it’s time for a break to decompress or more time to reflect on the facts. What feels right in this situation? What are the pros and cons of each decision?
-Excessive stress means it’s time to slow down, relax, and focus on play and self-care. Putting our needs first when our cup is empty is self-care, not selfishness.
-Grief means you’ve felt the depth of love. This love lives on within us–when it resurfaces with no one to receive it, this can result in pain. When we transmute this pain into acceptance, we gain resilience and wisdom.
In summary, emotions can tell stories of what happened in the past or give us an indication of what needs to change. If we sit with our emotions and accept them as they are without judgment, we’ll find a wealth of healing within ourselves.
Cinema Therapy: Inside Out
How can we better understand emotions through media? The Pixar movie Inside Out describes the emotions and experiences of the character, Riley, as she grows up. We meet five personified emotions, each with different roles in Riley’s life: Fear, Disgust, Anger, Sadness, and Joy. When we meet each emotion, we hear the following introductions:
-”That’s Fear. He’s really good at keeping Riley safe.”
-”This is Disgust. She basically keeps Riley from being poisoned. Physically and socially.”
-”That’s Anger. He cares very deeply about things being fair.”
-“And you’ve met Sadness… I’m not actually sure what she does.”
Childhood is a time of fun, discovery, freedom, learning, and growth–often full of happy, carefree memories when we had few responsibilities. In the early years of her life, Riley experiences many happy moments, some of which become core memories that shape her personality. Although it would be ideal for these joyous times to last, we often go through challenges that change our inner world–introducing uncertainty, confusion, disappointment, and stress as we adapt to these changes. In the process, we can find growth, however.
Riley experiences this when she moves away from home, leaving her friends, the hobbies that she loved, and her nice home behind. She struggles through a difficult transition period, where she feels deep loss that shakes her foundation. This is a depiction of trauma–happy memories take on a feeling of sadness, making a previously cheerful girl feel a complexity of emotions. Joy is no longer in control and has to go through the maze of Riley’s inner world with Sadness, learning about her along the way while also witnessing Riley’s personality centers shut down. This comes as a surprise to her parents, who each have to grapple with their own emotions–leading to misunderstanding and disconnection. She’s going through loneliness and loss, yet cannot convey how she truly feels and often reacts in a way that generates more pain. We all have times when we stray off the path and get lost in our emotions, yet with time we heal.
We get an idea of the function of sadness as the film progresses. At one point she says, “It’s like I’m having a breakdown. I keep making mistakes like that. I’m awful.” This is sadness turning into shame, an emotion that often keeps us stuck in the cycle of sadness due to negative self-evaluation. At another point, she also empathizes with Bing Bong. Could our sadness lead to a deeper understanding of other people’s emotional states, thus making us more empathetic?
In the end, Joy lets Sadness take action–which stopped her from making a mistake and leaving her family behind and instead opened the floodgates. Could sadness invite in love? It can open the doors to vulnerability, which enables us to seek help. Through this help, we develop stronger connections. Sadness touched the joyous memories and made her remember where she came from so she could heal and start anew. In the end, Sadness worked with Joy to create bittersweet memories and restored her relationships with others. This allowed Riley to have multidimensionally-colored memories, integrating different feelings into one.
How could this movie relate to real life? Aside from creating a narrative structure around why we feel the way we do, it also relates to a form of therapy where we see ourselves as parts. This is called Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, which introduces the concept that our personality is made up of sub-personalities. A certain experience or emotion may activate a “part”, which has its own response to the situation at hand. So in this instance we’d say “a part of me is angry and it wants to take this action” rather than identifying with it with statements such as “I am angry and I will do this”. This separates the part from the Self, which is who we are at the core. The goal of this system is to create internal harmony and differentiate the Self from the parts. For more information on this therapy, please see here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/internal-family-systems-therapy
Conclusion
Emotions are complicated and often unpleasant, yet serve a deeper purpose. What we typically describe as “negative” or “bad” is not entirely true if we consider the messages that our emotions send us. In some ways, even these negative emotions can enhance the positive emotions that we experience, such as gaining gratitude for the good things in life when we consider what we went through in the past. As adults, we may explore why we feel the way we do and have those “aha” moments that fill us with insight and purpose going forward, or even use the negative experiences we’ve had to develop our unique purpose in the world. Pain can inspire wisdom in this way–by tapping into what we felt and went through, we can find meaning from it that can inspire others. Creativity is often a byproduct of these experiences in this way.
If we consider this, our judgments on typically negative emotions lessen and we learn to accept them as part of life. We observe them as they enter and learn to let them go, relieving the burden on the mind and body. Suffering is a guaranteed in life, but how we judge and deal with it determines our levels of happiness. Avoiding our feelings often creates some other form of suffering, but accepting them as is and listening to them enables us to grow. Let us choose growth, finding our most authentic Self within and thriving as our best selves.
Thank you for reading!
